Mutant Cockroaches!

What is brown, has 2 sets of antenneas, 12 legs, a shiny outer shell, 2 heads, and lives in my douche???? 

Yea, that's right, a teenage mutant ninja cockroach. Check out the pic below:

SICK! SICK! SICK!

I saw this thing the other night when I went to bucket bath before bed.  It was super creepy! At first I thought maybe it was weird cockroach sex (?), but when they didn't separate and scurry along when I flashed my flashlight at them, I began to worry. I texted my friend who knows everything about everything when it comes to insects (and other critters) to let her know that I have mutant roaches living in my douche that want to eat me.  I was hoping for some insight to this disgusting phenomenan: Over exposure to shampoo?  Radio-active garbage in my douche? Too many mango peels? What would cause such a scary insect monster?

The answer: siamese twin cockroach. A fusion in which a fertilized egg completely separates, but stem-cells conjoin the cockroach twins together creating a creepy insect monster living in my douche!

Siamese twin roach living in my Senegalese toilet

So what does this mean for me? I guess I'll let the nasty mutant live as long as it steers clear of my room.  The minute it so chooses to enter (like other bugs), I will douse it in pesticide and smack it repeatedly with my fly swatter. Freak of nature. Cool Phenomenan. Whatever. I'm completely terrified of it!